~ * ~ W E L C O M E ~ * ~
to the OFFICIAL homepage of
PROOF BAR AND LOUNGE
In the Heart of Hillcrest, Little Rock, AR ~ est. 2018, condemned never (legally)
********************************
** THIS SITE IS Y2K COMPLIANT **
********************************
Tested 12/31/1999 by unplugging the computer
and hiding under the pool table til it felt safe.
The bar itself is NOT Y2K compliant.
The bar is barely 1987 compliant.
STATUS: WE SURVIVED. RUPERT THRIVED.
** THIS SITE IS Y2K COMPLIANT **
********************************
Tested 12/31/1999 by unplugging the computer
and hiding under the pool table til it felt safe.
The bar itself is NOT Y2K compliant.
The bar is barely 1987 compliant.
STATUS: WE SURVIVED. RUPERT THRIVED.
🏆 OFFICIALLY RATED: "THE SECOND WORST BAR IN LITTLE ROCK" 🏆
— 6 years running. We demanded a recount. We were told the recount made it worse.
(We'd be #1 but the worst bar keeps cheating by being open.)
!! 21+ . RUPERT IS 4, WHICH IS 28 IN RACCOON YEARS. HE'S FINE. !!
♫ Now playing: "Your Body is a Wonderland" (MIDI version, 8KB, mute button broken since install, this is everyone's problem now) ♫
HOUSE RULES (the wall version, now online)
1. If u have to ask if you've had enough, the answer got here before u did.
2. The bartender is right. Dennis is MORE right. Rupert outranks everyone.
3. Don't touch the thermostat. It's decorative. It's been decorative thru two Clinton administrations and we're local enough to count both.
4. Tipping in coins is legal. We will watch u count them. So will Rupert. His interest is not academic.
5. Cut off means cut off. The appeals process is the parking lot.
6. DO NOT FEED THE RACCOON. He has a tab, a system, and frankly more leverage than u.
7. If u beat the second-worst bar allegations out of us, ur barred. We WORKED for this.
2. The bartender is right. Dennis is MORE right. Rupert outranks everyone.
3. Don't touch the thermostat. It's decorative. It's been decorative thru two Clinton administrations and we're local enough to count both.
4. Tipping in coins is legal. We will watch u count them. So will Rupert. His interest is not academic.
5. Cut off means cut off. The appeals process is the parking lot.
6. DO NOT FEED THE RACCOON. He has a tab, a system, and frankly more leverage than u.
7. If u beat the second-worst bar allegations out of us, ur barred. We WORKED for this.
★ floor's sticky, jukebox is haunted, and the AC is top notch. that's not neglect, that's CLASS ★
🦝 MEET RUPERT 🦝
Rupert, photographed against his will. He has since unionized.
Showed up in 2022 thru a hole in the ceiling we now call "Rupert's Door." Ate an entire thing of bar olives. Stayed.
~ Lives in the ceiling above the pool table. The lean? That's him.
~ Has a tab. It is not current. We don't discuss it.
~ Has bitten exactly 2 people, both of whom "deserved it" per eyewitnesses.
~ Vaccinated, probably. The vet said "that's a raccoon" and left, so. Interpret that how u want.
~ Do NOT feed him. He eats better than the staff and it's becoming a morale issue.
~ Y2K NOTE: Rupert was our designated Y2K continuity officer. His plan was the same as his regular plan: the ceiling.
Fun Fact: A UA Little Rock study found that city raccoons are growing shorter snouts from tolerating humans for easy trash access, showing the earliest signs of self-domestication. The lead researcher's proposed name for the domesticated version: the trash panda.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: Why "second worst"?
A: The worst bar has a hole in the floor u can see the basement thru. We only have a hole in the CEILING (Rupert's Door). It's about standards.
Q: Do u have WiFi?
A: Probably.
Q: Is it clean?
A: The glasses, yes. Everything else is "atmospherically seasoned."
Q: Is the raccoon real?
A: Is the moon real? Is the positrac rearend in a Plymouth real?
Q: Can I get that w/ oat milk?
A: Brother this building doesn't have consistent COLD WATER.
Q: Do u take reservations?
A: We barely take CARDS.
Q: Was the bar affected by the Y2K bug?
A: The register has said "JAN 1 1980" since the incident. Prices are whatever Rupert remembers. The system works.
A: The worst bar has a hole in the floor u can see the basement thru. We only have a hole in the CEILING (Rupert's Door). It's about standards.
Q: Do u have WiFi?
A: Probably.
Q: Is it clean?
A: The glasses, yes. Everything else is "atmospherically seasoned."
Q: Is the raccoon real?
A: Is the moon real? Is the positrac rearend in a Plymouth real?
Q: Can I get that w/ oat milk?
A: Brother this building doesn't have consistent COLD WATER.
Q: Do u take reservations?
A: We barely take CARDS.
Q: Was the bar affected by the Y2K bug?
A: The register has said "JAN 1 1980" since the incident. Prices are whatever Rupert remembers. The system works.
~ THE BAR ~
Everything u need. Several things u don't. One raccoon.
Y2K STATUS OF THIS PAGE: COMPLIANT
Y2K STATUS OF THE JUKEBOX: it plays Freebird in every millennium
LAST UPDATED: 12/30/1999 (preparedness)
Y2K STATUS OF THE JUKEBOX: it plays Freebird in every millennium
LAST UPDATED: 12/30/1999 (preparedness)
>> POOL TABLES
Fun Fact: Harvey Hendrickson toured the country as a billards sensation, not for his shot-making, but for his freakish ability to palm all 15 balls in a single hand. ]
Two "regulation" tables. The 8-ball table leans left cuz Rupert lives in the ceiling directly above it and he is not a small raccoon. We don't fix it cuz it's the only home advantage we have. Quarters on the rail hold ur spot. Quarters left unattended become Rupert's quarters. House rule, raccoon law, same thing.
>> PATIO (the "lounge" part, legally)
FUN FACT: String lights became a patio staple because early outdoor bars used them to extend drinking hours past sunset without expensive permanent lighting. ]
Open year-round, weather and Rupert's mood permitting. Mismatched tables and chairs. Dogs welcome til 9PM. Dogs and Rupert have a treaty. Don't disturb the treaty. We lost a January to the last incident.
ALSO ON HAND...
- Maybe some screens 4 every game -- one's got a purple blotch named Gary, the other shows everything in a yellow tint we call "vintage mode"
- ATM inside, $3.00 fee, dispenses exclusively $20s(limit $200) that smell like the inside of the machine
- Vintage pinball -- high score's been "RUP" for 2 years and nobody saw him do it, which is the scary part
- Wall of Shame polaroids -- earn ur spot. Rupert's on it 3 times. He's not ashamed. That's what makes him dangerous.
Come in if you want. The door's open, the stool's empty, and nobody here is going to ask you how your wellness journey is going.
HOURS (theoretical)
| Mon - Thurs: | 5PM - 1AM |
| Friday: | 5PM - 2AM |
| Saturday: | 5PM - 1AM (Laws or something) |
| Sunday: | 5PM - 11PM |
| Rupert: | He sets his own hours. He's nocturnal and unionized. |
[ FUN FACT: OSHA has never successfully inspected a dive bar bathroom and come away feeling good about it. ]
You are visitor number:
0000017
FACEBOOK
INSTAGRAM
Netscape NOW!
Y2K READY
@ EMAIL US
🦝 RUPERT APPROVED
2ND WORST BAR
UNDER CONSTRUCTION (forever)
THE BAR
Best viewed at 800x600 in Netscape Navigator 4.0 thru one squinted eye